


Nothing Worth Having Comes Easily

by Book_addict_89



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Infertility, M/M, Married Couple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 23:13:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13868019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Book_addict_89/pseuds/Book_addict_89
Summary: Killing Voldemort was a walk in the park compared to what Harry and Draco face now. Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts the boys are married and wanting to start a family of their own. Only nothing worth having comes easily.*This is a story about infertility and the boys journey to becoming parents.*





	1. So Hard When It Doesn't Come Easy

**Author's Note:**

> This story will not be easy to read. It will be just as difficult to write. It's going to look at the theme of infertility so if you don't want to read about it stop now.
> 
> I do not own Harry Potter it belongs to J. K. Rowling. I am writing this story for fun and not for profit. I do not own any of the song titles or lyrics used or profit from them.

 

 

Five years to the day since the end of the second Wizarding War.

 

Four years, ten months and two days since Draco Malfoy found the courage to ask Harry Potter out on a date. The pair had become close when Draco had turned his back on his Father and Voldemort and fought with Harry and the Order. Harry had been completely knocked for six when the tall, devastatingly handsome blonde had turned up on the doorstep of number 12 Grimmauld Place and invited Harry out for a drink.

 

Four years, nine months and five days since Harry had lost his virginity to one Draco Malfoy. Draco had moved into Grimmauld Place just two months later.

 

Three years, two months and a day since Draco had dropped down on one knee and asked Harry to marry him. They had been in Barbados on a well-needed holiday. Draco had just completed his Potions Masters qualification top of his class and Harry had been working hard at the Auror offices and both needed some time away.

 

Two years, seven months and thirty days since they tied the knot in front of their friends and began the New Year as Mr and Mr Malfoy-Potter.

 

One year since they decided that it was time to start a family. Ron and Hermione had welcomed Baby Rose into the world back in January and Blaise who Draco was still good friends with along with his own husband had just told them that they were expecting a baby in the late autumn. A family of their own was what they had both individually and together dreamt of for a long time.

 

***

 

Today marked the twelfth time in as many months Harry had removed the testing stick from the box they kept in the bathroom cupboard. Draco was waiting in their room for him to return with the results. He’d wanted to go into the bathroom with him but Harry had made him wait. He needed to do this on his own.

There was no need to read the instructions, Harry knew what he was doing and quickly went about peeing onto the end of the stick before replacing the cap and using his wand he spoke the spell and flicked his wrist. Now he just had to wait the longest two minutes in the world. If positive the test would glow bright white, if not it would turn red. Every month so far over the last year the test had turned red. After the third negative test Harry and Draco had sought out the help of a fertility healer from St Mungo's. He had told them that there was nothing he could do until they had been trying for at least a year. He reassured them that for some couples it took a little longer and that a year was a completely normal amount to time for a couple to try and conceive in. If after twelve months they still hadn’t fallen pregnant then they were to come back and he would carry out tests to see what was happening.

 

“Harry?” Draco’s voice carried through the door moments before the handle turned and he pushed open the wooden door stepping into the white tiled bathroom. Draco came face to face with his husband his cheeks tear stained. A red test clasped in his hand. “Oh Harry.” In two short steps Draco had crossed the room and pulled Harry into his arms wrapping him tightly against his chest. “It’s going to be okay.” He soothed rubbing his back through his white t-shirt. “We’re going to be okay.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter title comes from the song 'So hard' by the Dixie Chicks


	2. I Would Die For That

The foyer to the fertility wing at St Mungo's was very different to the rest of the hospital. Here the walls were a muted white colour with comfortable white leather sofas with chrome finishings dotted around the room in pairs. A large beech desk sat in between two doors that lead off to treatment rooms. A kind looking witch sat behind the desk wearing the robes of the hospitals receptionists. She'd offered both Harry and Draco a glass of water when they entered and asked to take a seat but they’d both refused just choosing to sit off to one corner of the room away from the only other couple in the waiting room. If they had recognised Harry and Draco they didn't’t let it show instead the woman gave Harry a small smile and then looked away. 

 

“Mr and Mr Malfoy-Potter?” the receptionists said approaching them. “Healer Parks is ready to see you now. Please follow me.” If the other couple hadn't recognised them before they did at the sound of their name. Harry refused to look in their direction. If this ended up in the gossip rag otherwise known as the Daily Prophet he'd be filing a complaint with the hospital for the receptionist lack of privacy. He could see it now 'The boy who lived twice is barren' he was certain that cow Rita Skeeter would have a field day with that bit of information. 

 

"Harry?" Draco's cool tone pulled him back into the present. When had they entered the empty healer's office and taken a seat in plush white chairs. "I can feel the tension radiating off you. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can just keep trying." 

"It's not that. I'm fine. I need to know what's wrong with me." Draco narrowed his eyes at his husband and gave his hands a squeeze.

"There's nothing wrong with you Harry. This is just harder for some people than others." Harry didn't get a chance to respond as the healer chose that moment to enter the room. He smiled softly at the pair and took his seat behind the desk.

 

"It's good to see you both again but I gather that you're here because there has been no change to your fertility situation." Draco bit back the bubble of sarcasm that threatened to slip out. 'No we thought we'd come and tell you in person that we're pregnant.' Thinking the thought in his head wasn't as rewarding as speaking it out loud but this was already a tough day without pissing Harry off. The healer continued talking. "I want to remind you both that no matter what is said in here it stays between the three of us. I know you both value your privacy. For me to find out what is the problem I'm going to need you both to be completely transparent with me. Some of the questions and tests won't be easy. If you agree  we'll get started straight away. The results will take a few days to come back so by Thursday we should have a clearer understanding of where we are." 

"What happens then?" Harry asked.

"Well that depends on what we find out. Best case scenario there's nothing wrong and I send you back home to just have lots of sex. Worst case we look into the different options available to you both. There are many different things we can do. Let's not worry about that until we know just what we're dealing with." The healer smiled at them before opening up their file and removed a single sheet of parchment from inside.

 

"Let's get started shall we." He picked up a quill and tapped it with his wand and it began transcribing his exact words. "May 3rd 2003. Present Mr Harry Malfoy-Potter and Draco Malfoy-Potter. When did you take the last pregnancy test Harry?" 

 

Harry shifted in his seat but didn't't offer a response. "Two days ago." Draco offered, the quill writing down his response.

"Actually it was this morning." Harry said quietly his eyes not quite meeting those of his husband. "I wanted to make sure that this wasn't a waste of time." 

"Oh Harry." Draco reached out for his hand and held it in his.

"I should be able to do this. Why can't I give us children? I've never wanted anything thing before I've always put everyone one else first. Why can't I do this. It's the one thing I want most in the world. I want this for us so much it hurts. It's killing me not being able to give us the one thing we both want. It hurts to see Hermione and Ron with little Rose. When Blaise told us about him and Caleb I had to physically stop myself from pulling my wand on him. Why is it so easy for everyone else but not us. It's not fucking fair." Harry didn't even attempt to wipe away the tears that were now pouring down his cheeks.

Draco was on his feet and kneeled in front of Harry in seconds wrapping his hands tightly and Harry's. "This isn't your fault. We will have children that much I'm certain. Whether you carry them, or I do or hell even if we adopt, we will have children. You are the most selfless person I know and god only knows why you put up with me but this isn't only on you Harry. _We_ are a couple. We're in this together no matter how long it takes." 

"Draco is right Harry, there are plenty of options. I know only you have been trying to fall pregnant but Draco has the potential to carry children too. Let's make a start on these tests and we'll go from there. Draco let's start with you." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title comes from Kellie Coffey's I Would Die For That


	3. Broken Together

Draco had never failed a test in his lifetime he didn't want today to be the first. He'd wanted a family of his own for as long as he could imagine. It had been drilled into him from an early age that he needed to produce a Malfoy heir. With his parents receiving the kiss for their role in assisting Voldemort, Draco was the last remaining Malfoy or at least he was until he married Harry and they formed a new branch of the family tree. He wanted that branch to grow and expand. To have a chance to redeem his family's name, to start again, the right way this time. Both he and Harry had demanding childhoods they knew how not to raise a child. They wanted a chance to prove that they weren't their parents in his case and Harry's aunt and uncle in his. They wanted to raise children surrounded by love and warmth. They want children who can't wait to share their achievements with joy and pride not share their news with worry that it's never enough. They want this opportunity more than anything. If he was the reason he and Harry couldn't have children he'd never forgive himself. Harry had been putting himself through hell this last year. What if it was because of him? What if he was the reason Harry had cried every month huddle over a negative pregnancy test for the last year? Suddenly the thought of knowing the truth had him stuck to his seat. His eyes trained on the plastic cup that had been placed in front of him. 

 

"If you're uncomfortable doing it here you can take the pot home and come back with it." Draco didn't look at the elderly man instead he looked across at Harry. He saw the pain swimming in those beautiful green eyes. Eyes he'd seen grow more dull with each passing month. His smile didn't reach them anymore either. Others hadn't noticed the change in Harry. He hid it well. Just not well enough to fool Draco. Nor Teddy for that matter.

One evening a month or two back They had been looking after Teddy for the weekend while his grandmother visited a friend. They'd had a lovely day at the zoo and then back home where they gave Teddy his very first ride on a broom. But that night when Draco tucked their young godson in he stood to leave when Teddy called him back. Draco half expected the youngster to try and prolong the going to sleep process instead he asked a question so much more mature than his young years that it floored Draco. "Why's Uncle Harry sad?" How had Teddy picked up on Harry's emotions that even his best friends hadn't. Draco knew what he had to do. He snatched up the pot from the desk.

"No it's fine I'll do it now." His robes sweeping behind him dramatically as he glided out of the room. The "treatment" room was just the other side of Healer Parks and Draco quickly found it and let himself in making sure to lock the door behind him. He definitely didn't want anyone walking in on him. 

 

***

 

"While we wait for Draco to return lets make a start with you Harry. We'll start with weight and height and then I'll carry out some diagnostic tests and see if we can find out what's going on. Then you boys can switch and I'll do the same to Draco. Try not to worry Harry. We will find a solution. Now on your feet please." The healer guided Harry over to a treatment corner of the office. "If you could remove your clothing down to your underwear please Harry." Harry undressed as instructed, removing his loose fitting navy jumper and top beneath. Healer Parks stifled his gasp of shock when he saw just how thin Harry was. When they had met several months back Harry hadn't been this thin he was sure of it. 

 

With his jeans and shoes removed Harry shifted awkwardly as he folded his arms around himself. He knew he was thin. He saw the way the older man looked at him with concern. It was the same look Draco gave him when he pushed his dinner around his plate of an evening. He'd always been thin, the Dursley's had seen to that but these last few months had seen his appetite fade away. The weight had fallen off him. He tried to hide it under baggy clothing but Draco saw him naked. He'd pointed out the protruding bumps of his spine, and the more prominent ridges of his collarbone. Draco had tried to talk to him about it but Harry shrugged him off on several occasions. From then on Draco would bring home treats. Bags of sweets from Honeydukes, Molly's homemade treacle tart, fresh sweet fruit filled the fruit bowl but it was wasted everything tasted the same, bland. It could have been a slice of tart or a wedge of soggy cardboard he was chewing on for all he knew. "Harry?" 

"Sorry what did you say?" He replied. "You can step onto the scales now." Where had they come from? He thought to himself not noticing when the scales had appeared in front of him. 

 

The healer didn't make any comments he just carried out an array of tests just giving Harry different instructions every now and again. "Okay Harry final test before I take a blood sample. Just pop yourself on the bed and lie back." Parks flicked his wand over Harry's stomach the wooden tip of the stick glowing an intense bold blue light. What the test was testing for Harry could only imagine, but there was nothing visible happening apart from the quill scratching the findings against the parchment floating next to the Healer's left arm.

 

With Harry's tests complete he dressed before the healer took a vial of his blood. "Draco should be back shortly and then you'll need to go and produce a sperm sample too. You have both refrained from any sexual activity for the last seventy two hours as requested?" He asked passing Harry his own labelled pot.

"Yes we did." 

"Good that will provide the best results." They sat a little awkwardly in silence for a couple more minutes but Draco still hadn't returned.

"Perhaps I'll go and see if he's ummm okay." Parks nodded and pointed Harry in the right direction.

 

***

 

"Draco?" Harry knocked on the door. He'd been in there a while now. There was no response just the sound of the lock sliding magically open. Harry entered the room to find his husband sat in the comfortable looking armchair flies open flaccid pale cock against the dark fabric. Pained eyes tried to avoid worried emerald ones. Harry's gaze moved to the stack of magazines, "Nothing in there to get you going?" Harry tried to hide his nerves with a joke but the blonde didn't respond he just let out a huff of air. "Draco talk to me? I'm not a mind reader. That's you, remember." That had the blonde's lip curl upwards. Draco was a very skilled legilimens, having been trained by his godfather Snape. He wrinkled his nose.

“There’s nothing remotely enticing about this situation. The room smells like disinfectant and as for them," he indicated to the magazines with a flick of his gaze. "They are…" he shrugged his shoulders.

"Perhaps you just need a helping hand?" Harry dropped to his knees and placed his hands on Draco's thighs his fingers slowly sliding over the fabric. "Or two?" He whispered as his fingers dusted over Draco's exposed flesh enticing a reaction. 

 

"Harry!" Draco hissed through gritted teeth his prick almost instantly hardened under Harry's nimble fingers. If he carried this on he'd embarrass himself in no time at all. It had been months since Harry had touched him like this. Yes they'd been having sex, of course they had, they'd been trying to get pregnant. Draco didn't like to admit it but sex had become a chore. Something they did to achieve a goal. A goal they kept missing but a goal all the same. Neither would admit it but the spark had gone. Admitting it out loud would make it all to real. He loved Harry with everything he had. He'd thought their life was perfect but this last year had tested their relationship and that terrified him. Without Harry he was nothing. He couldn't be that so he pushed down any feeling of doubt and prayed that they made it over this hurdle. 

 

Draco missed the long drawn our exploration of each other's bodies they were just a distant memory as were the quick urgent I can't keep my hands off you ones. Harry's hand flicked at the wrist and glided over Draco's sensitive head. Draco's sharp intake of breath had Harry chuckling to himself, his green eyes shining for the first time in months. God he'd missed this. He'd missed Harry. Missed the fire that burned behind his eyes. Missed the sound of his laugh. Missed the feeling of being wanted, desired. He missed the Harry he'd given everything up for. 

 

Leaning forward Harry attacked his mouth with his own. "I love you Draco." Harry panted against kissed bruised lips. His hand never stopped its caressing of Draco's member. "I've missed this. I've mis-" He continued but Draco covered Harry's lips with a finger.

"Not now. Later. We'll talk later. Right now I need you to move your hand faster." 

 

***

 

"So I'll go through your results over the next few days and wait for the lab to process both of your blood and sperm samples and we'll meet back here Friday at eleven thirty?" Healer Park explained after Draco had completed his physical and Harry returned with his sample. Both boys nodded. “Before you go there is one thing I would like to discuss. I was quite alarmed by your weight Harry. I know you have always been on the thin side but I’m quite worried by just how thin you are. If you are as serious about becoming parents as I know you are then you need to start looking after yourself. You being a healthy weight will greatly improve your health in the long run. This isn’t an excuse to eat junk food though. You need to put weight back on in a healthy way. That means high protein, nuts and seeds. Avoid aerobic exercise but I’d encourage weight training or yoga, both encourage muscle growth and therefore weight gain. I’ve got some leaflets for you to take home and read. Try not to worry about the results we will discuss them on Friday.” the older man smiled at them warmly before shaking their hands and and showing them out. Hand in hand

Harry and Draco left the hospital and flood back home. Stood in their kitchen Draco tugged Harry into his arms and kissed him lovingly “I love you Harry. I don’t want you ever to forget that.” Harry pulled back even so slightly to look Draco in the eyes.

“I won’t don’t you worry about that Dray. I know how incredibly lucky I am. Now I don’t know about you but right now I want to go upstairs and show you just how much I love you.” Draco brushed his lips across Harry’s again and followed him up stairs to their bedroom. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title comes from the song "Broken Together" by Casting Crowns
> 
> "What do you think about when you look at me?  
> I know we’re not the fairy tale you dreamed we’d be."


	4. What I've Done

A few days passed and they went back to work trying to keep their minds off of the forthcoming hospital appointment. Draco ran his own potions company that supplies medicinal potions to hospitals and apothecaries and went back to working in the lab in the basement of Number 12. As for Harry he went back to the ministry and the Aurors office.

 

That night as they lay in bed Harry let his fingers trail back and forth over the length of Draco's sternum, his leg wrapped over one of the blonde's. "I need to tell you something important." He spoke into the darkness, the only light coming from the sliver of a streetlight from behind the drawn bedroom curtains. Draco shifted underneath him to get a better look at Harry's face.

"What is it?" Draco's heartbeat thumped in his ears and worry lined his stomach.

"I spoke to Kingsley today. I've taken some long term leave from the ministry. I can't go on like this Dray I think I need some help. I've got an appointment with a healer tomorrow who specialises in psychiatry." Grateful for the darkness Draco blinked back the tears he didn't want Harry to know he'd shed and wrapped his arms around him and dropped a kiss to to top of his dark head. "I know things won't get better overnight, but I need this Draco. I need this for us, for any children we might have, but mostly for me. I need this for me." Fingers locked together Draco rolled Harry's wedding band around his fingers.

"I'm proud of you Harry for taking the first step. If you want me to come with you tomorrow I'll be there. If you want to go alone I'll understand. I just don't want you thinking you have to do this alone."

Harry smiled against Draco's bare chest. "I know I'm not alone. But I need to do this on my own, to start with anyway."

 

*** 

 

Healer Magnolia Harris picked up her next patient file and flicked through the only page inside. This was their first consultation so the only piece of parchment inside the manila folder had basic details written on it, a name and a brief description of why the appointment had been made. There was still a few minutes before she was joined by her new client, a Mr James Evans so she busied herself making a fresh pot of tea. The floo was open and as soon as he appeared they would start their first session. 

 

The psychiatrist's office was a private office in a quiet muggle street part of a small collection of offices. To the muggle community it was an office belonging to an accountant. The office was only accessible via floo in order to maintain its real identity. The clinic ran to a strict schedule and the floo only opened to the patient during their time slot. Magnolia was a highly successful healer with only positive reviews and because of this her case load was heavy and generally exclusive. The noise of the fireplace roaring into life pulled her attention from the tea she was pouring to the dark haired man walking out of the fireplace. As he shook soot from his hair, stood upright and removed his cloak did she recognise the man stood before her. It wasn't James Evans but the one and only Harry Potter. The boy who lived.

 

"Mr Potter? I wasn't expecting you." She stumbled around the table to shake his hand.

"I didn't want anyone to know I was coming here. I'd like to keep it just between us please." The lilac haired witch nodded her head.

"Of course Mr Potter. Please come take a seat. Can I get you some tea? It's a fresh pot."

Harry shook his head. "No thank you. But please call me Harry and it's actually Malfoy-Potter nowadays. It has been for a while now." 

"My apologies Harry. You can call me Maggi." The witch smiled warmly and took her seat opposite the sofa Harry sat on.

 

Harry watched the witch closely there was something about her that reminded him of Luna. He couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was but it was there. Resting on her knee was a muggle pad of paper and a biro they made Harry smile. He couldn't stand writing with a quill and ink even after all this time, he always ended up with ink stained fingers. "Anything you say here is completely between us Harry. I want you to feel safe and be able to trust me." Harry nodded but didn't verbally respond. "Why don't you start by telling me something about  yourself." Harry couldn't help but laugh his life was an open book. "Okay well tell me something I don't know already. Something I wouldn't find in The Prophet." Still Harry say anything. Not because he didn't want to but because he couldn't think of something to say. "I'll go first shall I? I can't begin to function in the mornings without at least two cups of coffee. I know it's probably not good for me but without it I'm a nightmare." 

"Draco's the same. He's not quite human until he's had his morning coffee." A little smile licked at his lips talking about Draco something that Maggi didn't miss. 

 

"How long have you two been together now?" 

"Together almost five years and married almost two. I can't believe how quick that's gone. It feels like only yesterday." Harry trailed off. "Sorry I didn't mean to drift off." 

"Don't be. It's obvious that you very much love him." 

"I do. More than anything but I'm letting him down. He'll never admit it, but I know this is killing him." This time it was Maggi who was quite, her silence encouraged him to continue talking. "He's so good with our godson. He'd be an amazing father and I can't give that to him. I can't make us parents." 

"Why? Who's told you you can't be parents?"

 

That stumped him. No one had told him they couldn't. They weren't even meeting with Parks until the day after tomorrow.

 

"Well no one. Not yet anyway. We've been trying for a year and nothing. Everyone else around us is falling pregnant or having babies and I have to just stand there and smile and offer them well wishes and all the while on the inside I'm dying. Dying to have what they've got. I've not seen my best friends in weeks because I can't stand to see them happy. They have everything I want. I sound like a horrible person but I can't stand to be around baby Rose. What sort of person does that make me? I can't stand to be around a baby. A baby." 

"You Harry are not a horrible person. Far from it in fact. What I do know is that you're hurting. While hurt and horrible are close to each other in the dictionary they are not the same thing." 

"What if he leaves me because we can't have children?" Harry voiced his biggest fear.

"Has Draco ever given you any indication that he would?"

Harry shook his head, "No. Quite the opposite in fact." 

"Are you planning on leaving him because you can't have children?" 

"No! Of course not." Harry retorted angrily.

"Well what makes you think he will?" 

"Because," Harry started his voice catching in his throat. "Because I'm not good enough." He whispered. Harry's shoulders slumped and his head fell into his hands. Maggi got up and passed Harry a box of tissues.

"You might not believe this yet Harry but you are good enough. I want you tell yourself every day. Any time you don't feel like you are I want you to stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself you are good enough. You tell yourself until you believe you are." 

 

*** 

 

Harry had been gone for almost an hour when Draco started pacing the length of his lab. Harry had stuck his head around the door before he'd left, he hadn't said much just a quick goodbye and then he'd left. He'd wanted to go with him, to be there for him but Harry was adamant that he had to go alone. "Kreacher?" Draco called out summoning their house elf. With a pop the elderly elf appeared in the basement lab.

"How can Kreacher be helping Master Draco sir?" 

"Is Harry back yet?" 

"No Master Draco. Master Harry is still out. Would Master Draco like Kreacher to tell him when Master Harry is home?" 

"No that's alright. Could you prepare Harry's favourite meal for dinner tonight?"

The house elf nodded, "Of course Kreacher be making Master Harry's favourite meal." The elf bowed and vanished in with a loud pop. Trying to take his mind off Harry Draco returned to his work. 

 

His mind clearly not on the task at hand Draco spoiled the second batch of sleeping draught potions for St Mungo's. It was ridiculous he'd mastered that potion within the first few weeks at Hogwarts. Snape would be turning in his grave. "Even Potter wouldn't mess that one up!" He heard his former head of house and mentor sneer in his head. Above him he heard the floo open. Harry was home. 

 

As he packed away his equipment and stored the ingredients in their right place the door to the work room opened and bathed Harry in a soft glow. "I'm back." he muttered running a hand through the back of his dark messy hair.

"That I can see." Draco teased approaching him and dropping a feather light kiss against his crown. "How was it? Wait you don't have to tell me." Draco back tracked not wanting to pressure Harry into talking. With a shrug Harry wrapped his arms around his husband's waist and inhaled deeply.

"It was okay. The healer she seems nice enough. I've got another appointment next week."

"Okay. You hungry? Kreacher's making your favourite."

"Have I got time to have a bath first?"

The blonde pushed a strand of Harry's hair back off his forehead, "Go and have a bath it'll be a while yet."

 

In the bathroom Harry peeled his clothes off and tossed them in the wash basket. He stood in front of the mirror his hands gripping the polished ceramic sink and looked himself in the eye. "I am good enough." He muttered under his breath. He shook his head and tried again. "I am good enough." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter title comes from the song What I've Done by Linkin Park
> 
> "And whatever pain may come
> 
> Today this ends
> 
> I'm forgiving what I've done"
> 
> Forgiving and learning to love ourselves is the first and often the hardest step. There are times when we blame ourselves even when others are at fault.


	5. And breathe, just breathe Oh breathe, just breathe

"Gentleman come in, come in." The healer moved aside to allow Harry and Draco room to enter his office. Harry tried to read the older man's face but his stoic features gave nothing away. Only once the heavy office door was closed and all three were seated did healer Parks speak. "Before we start there was a request for your medical files Harry by a Healer Harris? Do you give your permission for us to share them with her."

Harry nodded. "She did say she was going to request them. It's fine. I started seeing her this week."

The other man nodded. "Okay. It's good that you're seeing someone. Now I know you must be very anxious about these results so let's go through them." 

 

Pale fingers laced through slightly tanned ones as Draco took Harry's hand in his. "I'll go through each of your results and then we can discuss them afterwards." Both Malfoy-Potter's nodded in unison. "I'll start with both of your results for the sperm samples we had tested. Both came back well within the healthy range. Both counts are in the top percentile as is mobility. So there is nothing to worry about there. Now Draco your physical results were good but your blood results did show that your cholesterol level is a little higher than normal. That can be corrected with a few dietary changes. As for your ability to carry a baby there is no reason why you wouldn't be able to fall pregnant or carry to term." Draco let out a sigh of relief he hadn't realised he'd been holding in. He felt a squeeze around his hand and looked at Harry to find a small smile on his lips but sadness behind his eyes. With Draco's results they knew that Harry was the reason they hadn't fallen pregnant. 

 

"As I mentioned the last time we met I am concerned about your weight Harry. You are dangerously underweight. If I don't see any improvements in the next coming weeks I will have no choice but to admit you and keep you as an in-patient until your overall health condition improves." Noticing the look of panic on both boys faces Parks continued. "I don't wish to alarm you both but this is serious. Your results show that the malnutrition you received as a child has affected your ability to fall pregnant. It's caused some damage to your reproductive system. I can't guarantee that looking after yourself and putting weight on will cure your fertility issues but I'm also not ruling it out." Harry gave a slight nod. Parks continued to talk, "I am however suggesting that if you are determined to have a baby in the next year that Draco carries the baby. There is no reason why Draco shouldn't fall pregnant naturally." A heavy silence fell across the room the only noise was the exhaling and inhaling of the three men. "If that isn't what you want to do we can discuss surrogacy or adoption." 

 

"I can't take this all in. I can't breathe. I need some fresh air." Harry stumbled to his feet and bumbled out of the room.

"I should go after him." Draco said standing we'll be in touch. Thank you." He said shaking the healer's hand.

"Of course. I've made Harry an appointment with a nutritionist for Monday please make sure he goes. His health depends on it Draco." Draco gave the man a curt nod and left knowing just where Harry would be.

 

*** 

 

London buzzed on around him in a way only London does. People rushed past on their way home from oblivious to those around them. Men in suits, students with arms full of books and tourists carrying their worldly goods in backpacks worn on their chests stalked around the square never stopping to take in the beauty of the little square of calm in the middle of a busy city. Harry had lost count the number of times he'd found himself occupying the bench in Bloomsbury Square Garden. It was always oddly quiet despite being a stone throw away from The British Museum and a handful of London universities. The sky grew dark and grey as the typical great British weather took hold of the capital city but still Harry sat. It was official he couldn't have children. They couldn't have children because of him. He didn't have to look up to know that Draco had found him. They had spent time together sat in the square. He knew this was his thinking space. It was isolation in a crowd. No one knew him here. No one knew them here. To passers by he was just a guy sat on a bench and that was the way Harry liked it.

 

"I can guess what's going on in that head of yours. Stop it." Draco dropped down into the space next to him. "I don't think any less of you Harry. I still love you. I’ll always love you. This hasn’t changed anything. Well it's changed one thing. I'll carry our baby." Draco's words were soft and supposed to be comforting but inside his heart broke a little bit more. Above them there was a rumble of thunder and the heavens opened. The pelts of rain hid the tears on Harry's cheeks as they stood and ran for shelter in one of the doorways of a nearby building. Pulling Harry close to him Draco rubbed at the moisture on Harry's face knowing that tears blended with rainwater and rested his forehead against his husbands. "We're going to be okay." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title come from the song Breath(2am) by Anna Nalik. I've heard it used in Grey's Anatomy and lets face it the music in Grey's is on point all the time!


	6. Everyone Trips, Everyone Falls

"Harry it's good to see you again. Come and take a seat. Tea?" Maggi was as chipper as normal, her warm smile instantly making him feel more relaxed. This was their twelfth appointment now and Harry had found himself getting on with the witch she really was very easy to talk to and never once did she judge what he said.

“Please." He answered taking a seat and removing his jacket.

"Now for the most important question of the morning." Harry looked up. "Custard creams or bourbons?"

Harry smiled. "Both."

"That's easy enough for you to say your healer has given you permission to put on weight. Some of us aren’t so lucky.“ The witch said in jest bringing the drinks and biscuits over.

"I'm not sure she would approve of it this way though. Since we've stopped having them at home it's all I've craved." 

"How is Draco's health kick going?"  

"His cholesterol is back in the heathy range but he doesn't trust himself to have biscuits back in the cupboard. It's the only reason I still come and see you. To get my biscuit fix."

The witch laughed. “Is that so?”

 

The weekly appointments with Maggi had really started to help. He wasn't "cured" Maggi had helped him realise that he didn't need curing he just needed change the way he thought. His life hadn't been easy and she was quite surprised that no had mentioned therapy before. It had helped to talk through things with a stranger, someone who didn't know him or interject with their opinions. Combining sessions with Maggi and the nutritionist Harry was feeling better than he’d ever felt. In the three months since he had received his results from Healer Parks he had started to gain weight healthily - weekly consumption of biscuits at Maggi’s aside. Both him and Draco had joined a gym, they only go a couple of times a week and it’s mainly to swim and to take a yoga class but it’s helped.

 

"What would you like to talk about today?" Maggi asked letting Harry lead their discussions as he had done the last few meetings.

"We're going to start trying for a baby again. It's been good to take a break and lose the pressure but I'm worried. I don't want to go back to feeling like I did if it doesn't happen straight away." 

"What does Draco say about it? Have you spoken to him about your concerns?"

 

In the weeks before Harry would have kept everything to himself until it all spilled over. "He just wants us to take our time and not put any pressure on the pair of us. He says if it takes a month or years it isn't a sign of failure or me letting him down it's a sign of that's when it's the right time for us." 

"That's a smart wizard you've got yourself there." Maggi smiled.

"I know and he's all mine!" Harry grinned. 

 

The rest of the hour passed without incident and soon enough Harry was pulling his jacket on and saying goodbye. Stepping into the fireplace he shouted out "Diagon Alley" and disappeared into the green flames with one final wave to Maggi. Harry manoeuvred the busy street stopping to say hello to the people who stopped to greet him. He carried on making his way through the crowds until he found who he was looking for. 

 

Sat outside Florean Fortesque's Ice Cream Parlour enjoying the warm weather was his husband, godson and one of the biggest multicoloured ice creams he had ever seen. "Really Draco? It's almost as big as Teddy. He's never going to eat his dinner tonight.” Harry shook his head. “When Andromeda asks why I'm telling her it was all you." Harry teased.

As he sat down in the unoccupied chair at the small bistro table Teddy put down his spoon and spoke, ”I will eat my dinner uncle Harry. Uncle Draco made me promise. He's been helping me eat it anyway." The six year old went back to eating what Harry could only imagine was a scoop of every flavour Fortesque's sold.

"Is that right?" With raised eyebrows and a twinkle in his eyes Harry turned to face Draco who looked as guilty as sin. "So that's what this is?" Harry reached over and wiped a smear of strawberry ice cream from the corner of Draco's mouth.

"I don't know what you mean." Teddy giggled into his ice cream.

"Sure you don't." Grinning he lent over and brushed his lips against Draco's, "And your lips don't taste like strawberries either." 

 

*** 

 

Candlelight flickered around the room illuminating the dinning room in a soft glow. Harry busied himself preparing the table for dinner. Draco would be back from dropping Teddy back at Andromeda's soon and he wanted everything to be perfect. With a wave of his wand soft music started to play from the stereo. 

 

Harry took a step back and admired the room. It was just how he wanted this evening to be. A pair of arms sneaked around his waist as he felt himself pulled back against Draco's chest. He'd recognise his scent anywhere. A mixture of sandalwood from his aftershave and just Draco. "I don't deserve you." His whispered words tickled Harry's ear seconds before lips ghosted the shell and hands turned him at the waist. Lips as familiar as his own covered his. Pulling back Harry toyed with the open lapels of Draco's crisp white shirt "Dinner is ready. Go and sit down. There's plenty of time for that. Pouting isn't going to help." 

"I do not pout."

"You do. But Luckily for you," Harry slid his hand over the blonde's chest "you are sexy as hell when you do." Harry kissed Draco quickly before leaving him in the room to go and get dinner.

 

With dinner eaten the boys retired to the living room and curled up on the sofa. "How was your session with Maggi today?" It was the first time they'd been alone without Teddy all day.

"Good. We ate a packet of biscuits between us and she thinks I'm married to a smart wizard."

Draco turned to face him a smile on his face. “What sort of biscuits?” it hadn’t been the question Harry had expected, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Your favourites, bourbons oh and custard creams.”

Draco dropped his head to Harry’s shoulder. “That’s just not fair.” He was silent for a moment, “As for being married to a smart wizard I happen to agree."

Harry gave his shoulder a playful dig. "You would. I told her about our conversation about trying. She thinks it's sensible." Draco leaned forward to claim Harry's mouth in a soft caress. Soft kisses turned into longer ones, more heated ones and before long Harry was draped over Draco pressing him into the sofa cushions while he left a trail of marks along his collarbone to the hollow of his throat. "I've got something else upstairs for you." He murmured against the base of Draco's neck. Draco's fingers that had been exploring under Harry's top stopped moving, an eyebrow raised in question. “Follow me.”

 

Harry pulled his husband up the stairs behind him and into their bathroom where dozens of candles lit every surface. The scent of bubbles from the warm bubble bath he'd charmed to stay warm filled the room. Harry wanted tonight to be perfect. That started with making Draco feel as relaxed as possible. They weren't just trying for a baby tonight, tonight was Draco's first time bottoming. "I really don't know what I've done to deserve you Harry." Draco pulled Harry to him to kiss him.

"You've stood by me through my lowest moments. You've stood by me when things were difficult. You amaze me every day Dray. I'm the lucky one, I get to call you my husband." With a flick of his wand both their clothes disappeared. "Now get this glorious backside of yours in that bath and let me show you just how much I love you.“ 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from the lyrics to Jess Glynne's "Don't Be So Hard On Yourself"
> 
> “Don’t be so hard on yourself, no.
> 
> Learn to forgive, learn to let go.
> 
> Everyone trips, everyone falls.
> 
> So don’t be so hard on yourself, no.”


	7. You Are My Strength And Comfort

Draco didn't need telling twice, he lowered himself into the bath  allowing the warm water to lap over his pale skin. "I'm not going to stand here all evening scoot forward." Draco did as he was told allowing room for Harry to climb in behind him. Once seated Harry pulled Draco back against his chest. 

 

"This might be the most relaxed I've ever been.” Draco sighed from in front of Harry. The warm jasmine scented bubbles lapped over the pair relaxing them further. Harry massaged the scented bubbles into the blonde's bare skin as his lips trailed light kisses along his neck and shoulder. Harry continued to rub bubbles along Draco's toned arms, over his chest and down his stomach. Every now and again Harry would allow his fingers to graze over Draco's manhood, his breath catching every time.

As the water turned tepid and cold Draco shivered against Harry who pressed one last kiss against his shoulder, “Sit forward.” He muttered against his ear before he extracted himself from the bath and wrapped one of the fluffy white towels around his waist before grabbing another for Draco who stood before him, wet and naked. Taking his hand he stepped out of the bath and wrapped him up in the towel. "You really are beautiful." Harry whispered against Draco's lips before claiming them.

"And you Mr Malfoy-Potter aren't too harsh on the eyes either. As for these lips of yours I don't think I'll ever tire of them."

"Good." Harry reached up to grasp the back of Draco's head and pulled his mouth to his in a heated exchange. 

 

Harry all but dragged Draco out of the bathroom and into their room. He pushed Draco until the backs of his knees hit their bed frame and hands on shoulders pushed him until he was sat on the edge of the mattress. “Take that towel off and don’t move.” Harry instructed as he went back into the bathroom before returning minus his own towel and with something in his hands that he tossed on the bed behind Draco. “You okay there?” Harry asked as he stood watching Draco fist his hardening length.

“I will be when you get over here and kiss me.” Harry all but threw himself at his husband pushing him back up the bed. Lips collided with lips as tongues fought for control. Harry worked his way over Draco’s body trailing kisses and bites over his pale skin. Teeth grazed the hardened buds of Draco’s nipples before his tongue lapped at the sensitive tip. Harry smiled when Draco shivered underneath him using that as his indication to carry on his exploration Harry carried on lathering Draco with kisses. Pale fingers wound their way through Harry’s hair as lips covered the head of his cock and pulled him inside his mouth. “Harry!” Draco groaned as Harry sucked at the sensitive head. 

 

Draco couldn’t take his eyes off Harry’s head bobbing up and down his length, the sight was erotic as sin. “Fuckin’ hell Harry!” Draco swore as Harry took him into the back of his throat and his hand reached to tease his sack simultaneously. As his tongue lapped at the precum from the weeping slit Draco groaned again. “I’m not going to last.” he panted grasping the bedding underneath him. Draco tried to pull back but Harry clamped his lips tighter around him sucking him harder. Draco let out a low groan as he erupted into the back of Harry’s mouth. The room filled with panting breaths as both boys collapsed back on the bed. Harry reached for the bottle he had tossed on the bed before and squirted some of the liquid on his hand. He trailed his hand over Draco’s retreating manhood stopping to rub the semi hard appendage lovingly. Fingers trailed over the wrinkled skin of both testicles and along the sensitive skin that lead to his entrance. “Harry.” Draco moaned arching his hips to allow Harry more access. Harry hid his smile by pressing a kiss to Draco's stomach as his fingertip teased the entrance. Half the fun was in the foreplay.

 

Harry took his time preparing Draco, remembering Draco having done the same to him their first time together. Harry couldn't hide his smile as his husband writhed underneath him. "Harry please!" Draco begged as two fingers brushed against Draco's prostate for the first time. Harry ignored his pleading and inserted another finger, stretching him further. With every other stroke Harry brushed that sensitive nub of nerves loving Draco's reaction every time he did. How he hadn't embarrassed himself by coming all over their bed sheets at the noises Draco was making he didn't know. Draco whimpered as Harry removed his fingers and kissed his way back up his chest.

"You ready?" Harry whispered between kisses.

"God yes!" Draco responded kissing Harry back. This time he reached for the bottle and poured some of the liquid on hand before reaching for Harry's hard weeping length and massaging in the liquid.

Harry's breath hissed through his teeth. "Keep that up and _I_ won't last at all."

 

Bracing himself between Draco's legs he lined himself up with his entrance. Emerald eyes bore into dove grey ones. "Harry wait stop. A hand pressed back against his chest. I don't think I can do this. It's too... it's..." Harry sat back on his heels concern etched on his face. "I know it's going to hurt." 

"I'm not going to hurt you Dray. I'm never going to hurt you. Do you trust me?" 

"Of course I do, with my life."

"Then let me show you how good this can be. Trust me Draco."

The blonde nodded. "Okay."

 

 

***

 

"We might have just made a baby?"  Draco said sleepily as he ran his fingers through Harry's messy hair. With his hand laid over Draco's stomach Harry smiled.

"I do hope so." He replied yawning as his eyes fluttered closed.

"I love you Harry." Draco mumbled as sleep overtook him.

Shifting against his husband's side Harry replied, "Love you too."

 

***

 

"Should we really be doing this now it's a bit early to tell isn't it?" Draco toyed with the pregnancy test in hand.

"You decide. We've got an appointment with Parks on Monday anyway. What difference is three days going to make. Wouldn't you rather know now?"

The blonde nodded. "You're right. If I'm not we'll just try keep trying after all it's rather fun." He smirked.

Harry just shook his head. "I know. If it's meant to be it'll happen, if not we try again." Draco squeezed Harry's hand.

"Okay. So I just pee on the end?" 

"Yep. Wait two minutes, then say the spell and it'll change colour."

"Go on, out. I'm not going to the toilet with you watching me. I'll come straight out." Draco gave Harry a little shove despite his protest. 

 

Harry sat himself down on the bottom of their bed facing the bathroom door twiddling with his fingers. Time had felt like it had stopped. How long did it take? These two minutes felt like two hours. The bathroom door opened and Draco stood in the open space tears on his cheeks. 

 

Harry's heart fell into his stomach. He knew it might not happen first time, but part of him had hoped it would. "Dray it's okay. We'll try again-" Draco stopped Harry mid sentence and held up the glowing white stick.

"We don't need to. I'm pregnant." Harry rushed forward and engulfed Draco in his arms and kissed him hard on his mouth. 

 

Neither were sure how long they stood there arms wrapped around each other, tears stained both sets of cheeks. "You are such an overachiever. Falling pregnant first time." Harry teased his husband as he kissed him again. Draco just grinned back.

"We're going to have a baby Harry. We're going to be parents." 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from the song "Trust In You" by Lauren Daigle
> 
> You are my strength and comfort  
> You are my steady hand  
> You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand


	8. Dreams Really Do come True

"You have no idea how much this hurts." Draco groaned as he paced around the hospital room rubbing his stomach. His contractions had started during the early hours of the morning.

"Well I will do soon." Harry replied rubbing his own swollen stomach. At thirty six weeks pregnant he felt huge.

 

***

 

Almost a month after Draco fell pregnant Harry had been feeling unwell. He mentioned it to Maggi during one of their appointments and she wondered if he could be pregnant too. He laughed it off, there was no chance but he couldn't concentrate on the rest of the meeting so Maggi sent him home. He'd flooed straight to Parks' office and waited to see him. He confirmed Maggi's suspicions. Harry was in fact pregnant. When Draco came up from his lab that evening he found Harry sat on the sofa where he'd been since he apparated home that afternoon. "There you are. How was your appointment?" He asked like he always did.

"I ummm I didn't stay. I went and saw Parks instead. I'm pregnant. We're going to have two babies. Two Draco. Two"

 

For an hour they had both sat there, stunned. They had been ready to be parents for almost eighteen months but two so close together that was a lot to take in. 

 

***

 

"Come here Dray." With a scowl on his face he approached Harry.

"It really hurts Harry." Harry rubbed his partners lower back and pressed a kiss to his sweaty brow.

"I know it does. You can do this Draco. The healer will be here soon and it'll all be over. We'll have our baby soon." 

"I don't know how Molly did this seven times." 

"Just be grateful you haven't got to push it out."

 

The door opened and in walked several healers. Healer Jenkins smiled at both men "Are you ready to meet your baby? Well one of them anyway." Jenkins had been looking after both Harry and Draco since their pregnancies were confirmed. Jenkins specialises in male pregnancies and came highly recommended by Parks. Leading the way they entered a hospital theatre and one of the healers helped Draco onto the bed in the middle of the room. Another helped Harry into a green gown and showed him where to sit next to Draco's head. "I need you to drink this potion Draco and then in less than five minutes you'll be holding your baby." Draco took the pink potion he was handed and downed it in one only to grimace at the taste.

"You need a new supplier that tastes horrible. Woah! I can't feel anything below my chest." 

"You'll feel some pulling but no pain." Jenkins explained as a sheet was placed to stop Harry and Draco seeing the procedure. Draco wrapped his fingers around Harry's.

"Two years have led to this very moment are you ready Harry?" Draco spoke softly so only Harry could hear him.

Leaning closer Harry placed a tender kiss against Draco's lips, "More than I've ever been." 

 

It was only the soft meow like cry that pulled grey and green eyes apart and to the fabric partition. Two of the healers they hadn't caught the names of lowered the shield as Jenkins held up the most gorgeous tiny slime covered baby. "You've got yourself a son. Let me be the first to congratulate you both. We'll just get him cleaned up and you can hold him."

 

"We've got a son Draco. A little boy." Tears stained both their faces.

"Here you go little man meet your daddies." One of the healers said passing Draco the tiny bundle wrapped in a blue blanket.

"He's gorgeous." Draco whispered as he ran his finger over his cheek.

"Just like his daddy." Harry retorted pressing first a kiss to Draco's forehead and then their son's. 

 

Harry doubled over in pain as he clutched his stomach. "Umm Dr Jenkins I think my waters have just broke."

 

In the five minutes that followed all hell broke loose. Draco still numb from the chest down couldn't move to help Harry. The look of panic in his eyes at his inability to help his partner was very apparent. Healer Jenkins gave her team quick instructions all of which began rushing around the theatre producing a second bed and set of equipment without disrupting her work stitching Draco closed. As if sensing the new tension in the room their son began to cry too. “Draco I need you to drink this potion now. It’ll heal you from the inside out and restore the feelings to your body but it won’t be instant and you’ll need to stay in bed. We are going to have to wheel you back to your room to make space to help Harry.”

“I’m not going. I need to stay with him. He can’t be on his own. I need to be here.” 

“Dray it’s fine.” Harry said as he grimaced around the frequent pains. “Go and take care of our son. I’ll be okay.”

 

He took some persuading but Draco agreed to be taken back to his room only if they promised to keep him informed at all times and Harry would be taken back to his room after. They needed to be together as a family. Harry was helped into the bed and given the first potion to numb him. “Is there someone we can call for you Harry?” The brave facade he had put up for Draco’s benefit was on the verge of crumbling he didn’t want to do this alone. Their baby was a month early if there was anything wrong with them he couldn’t face dealing with it on his own. If he couldn’t have Draco then there was only one other person he wanted. 

 

“I’m here. I’m here. Where is he?” Molly hurried into the room. “Oh Harry my darling boy.” She cupped the side of his face. “You boys don’t do anything by halves do you.” One of the Healers helped her into a gown just as they had done with Harry not twenty minutes earlier.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Harry said taking her hand. “I’m scared Molly.” 

“You don’t need to be scared Harry. Everything is going to be fine.”

“How do you know that?” He asked through glassy eyes. Molly’s eyes travelled from his to the sheet separating them from the healer.

“That’s how Harry.” Jenkins was holding up his baby.

“Congratulations Mr Malfoy-Potter, you have a daughter and she’s absolutely perfect. Tiny but mighty.” He’d been so worried that he hadn’t even noticed Jenkins delivering his daughter. They had a daughter. A son and a daughter. 

 

***

 

“Can we go in now granny?” Teddy’s voice carried through the hospital door. Sat in a larger than normal hospital bed both Harry and Draco sat holding their new additions. Using his wand Harry opened the door and waved at his godson who came bounding in.

“Slowly Teddy.” Andromeda chided from the doorway. Slowing his pace Teddy approached his uncles.

“Teddy come and meet your cousins. This is Leo Draco Malfoy-Potter.” Harry indicated to the bundle in his arms.

“And this is Lily Harriet Malfoy-Potter.” Draco added showing him the baby in his arms. Both men wore matching smiles as they sat holding their longed for children.

The four of them were a family at long last.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title comes from the song "Somewhere Over The Rainbow"
> 
> "Somewhere over the rainbow
> 
> Blue birds fly
> 
> And the dreams that you dreamed of
> 
> Dreams really do come true ooh oh"


End file.
